I’ve built around this pain a halo so forfeit
we are facing the sun and looking at the pond we once drew puddles in
with our steps
the mud and the simple and the rain
never in vain but lately I don’t know where to keep
the steps I take back and forth
everywhere I look I see a memory attached to another memory
all of it attached to the last fibre of my being
words such a curse when after everything still cant serve to find a way
a way through whatever took you away
all these books and words and findings dont help
nobody knows what they’re doing, never did
it is all a box within a box cuz’ if you get out nobody will be able to tell what you’re up to next
loneliness has always been the price i had to pay
to not conforming to what you say
i should and shouldn’t do
with what I’ve felt
I’ve been thinking about writing a book for so long
I have all the pieces, I’ve written everything I’ve ever wanted to say
and yet
putting it all together
for you to understand
makes me not know which version of me
represents
the trajectory
of me befriending someone’s pain again
Scatteredmockingbirds 